inebriantia

Piran, Slovenia

I have added some photos and descriptions of Piran, which is so mind bogglingly beautful I just had to share.

I know I should be bloggin' about my own travels but i found this hilarious

from here:

"GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages—a word that sounds so much better than just saying ‘drinks’, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: ‘Doors to automatic and cross-check’. Thank you for flying Veritas.”

Europe!

Some Paris pics are at the side there. I'll supply some context to em soon.

Livin' Large in Amsterdam

So I admit it, we've been slack with the travelog and there is very little chance it's going to get any better. We are finally in Amsterdam, after a day and a halfs delay. The one place I have not enjoyed so far, England, and I get stuck there during a blizzard. We stayed overnight at the Airport Hlton so it wasn't all bad. Doing the 5 Star thing almost made up for not being stoned in Amsterdam, but not really.

Robyn's at the top of the world, Ma!

Well the top of the Empire State Building anyway.

In New York but telling you about New Orleans (Now With Visual Aids!)

I?m on Wall Street, sitting in a Starbucks, which I thought had wireless internet but didn?t. Ah well it is a Sunday. We just tried to get the ferry to Ellis Island but it had sold out for the day. Ah well it is 4pm, but we?ve got a week here so we?re not fussed. Mind you, I need to finish off New Orleans and Washington before we can even begin to talk about New York.

My one over riding memory of New Orleans will be the smell of vomit. It is all pervasive. The underlying motif of the city that never stops partying, and something that is not mentioned in the travel guides. Imagine a schoolies week for adults that never, ever stops.

So what did we do there? I?m really can?t remember, this far removed. The photos seem to indicate that we walked around and looked at the impressively old buildings. If there is one thing the French Quarter is not short of, aside from vomit, it?s charm.

Down near the French Market is a big old statue dedicated to Robyn?s patron saint, Joan of Arc. Good to know they like a heretic in this town.

While walking around Jackson Square we spotted a bunch of re-creationists (I think) laying a wreath. It makes you wonder if anyone actually gets to see ghosts anymore, what with all the crazy old guys wandering about in period costume.

After that is was straight into the drinking. Where better to start than a bar that offers Huge Ass Beers!

Or a place that offers you the opportunity to Wash The Girl of Your Choice.

It?s all class here.

Here?s one of the infamous balconies. During Mardi Gras these are packed with revellers who throw beads to girlies who are kind enuf to flash some boob. During the off season, when we were there, there are still revellers but without the enormous drunken crowds below you wonder why they bother, especially when it?s so damn cold a boob would freeze off before you got a peek.

Strangely enough some of these people threw beads at us even though we weren?t doing anything more than look up at them. We had made a promise that we wouldn?t wear these cheap trinkets that instantly brand a tourist, but it was unavoidable. They seem to accumulate like dandruff, whether you do anything or not.

This is the exterior of the Old Absinth House, notable in the conspiracy canon as being the place where Guy Banister pistol-whipped a waiter. I was tempted to pistol-whip someone just for you Martyn, but they were all being far too nice to me.

We couldn't come to the Big Easy without partaking in a haunted tour. This was a lot less naff than it sounds, although we apparently went on one of the more restrained ones. Our tour guide, Magic Mike (he did some fairly impressive slight of hand), led us around the French Quarter and told us just handful of the sordid and gory tales that fill this city's history. It was heavy on the history, heavier on the gore, and thankfully light on the bad jokes. Below is a shot of a haunted house where... hrmmm I can't quite remember the story. I'll put the full story here once I've asked Robyn.

Halfway through the walking tour we got to shelter in the oldest damn bar in new Orleans, if not America. It was a blacksmith's shop that was frequented by Laffite, the infamous pirate. Somehow it survived the endless fires and floods and is incredibly atmospheric. No electic light, just candles. I had a not so traditional drink called a Zombie, which was basically a very alcoholic Slurpy.

Robyn is giving me a look that basically says I should stop taking sneak photos of here if I value our marriage.

New York!

brain... melting... too... much... input...

Dallas

I'm certainly churning thru these entries tonight. That's what you get when it's way below zero outside and the town you are in has a night life that makes Canberra look exciting.

Dallas was about 8 hours, most of which we spent in taxis. But it was worth it as I got to stand at the centre of the conspiracy world.

The first thing we saw was Japanese tourists doing just what I wanted to do.

The white X in the road is the exact spot JFK was when the fatal shot hit him.

Here's a view looking back towards the Book Depository. We visited the Sixth Floor Museum and looked out the window. The first thing that strikes you is that it would have been an awfully tricky shot. The trees don't quite obscure the X on the road and you wonder if that isn't some purposeful pruning. The view down onto the other road, before the corner and where the cars practically slowed to a halt, makes for a much easier shot. Why LHW didn't shoot from there is impossible to guess. Of course we weren't allowed to take any pictures on the sixth floor so I can't show you how self-evident all of this is.

This is the infamous Grassy Knoll.

And this is me standing behind that fence. Once again it really strikes you how much better an angle it is here, and so very close. Martyn will probably notice that I am not standing where the two gunmen were, as they were about 2 meteres to my right.

Here's me standing at the very spot that Abraham Zapruder stood when he filmed the assasination.

This photo is taken from that angle. For a total spooky experience you can watch the little quicktime movie I took from that spot, panning at about the same rate as Zapruder.

Was pleased to meet some dyed-in-wool conspiracy nuts at the Knoll who were happy to take my money for their photocopied tracts and CD-ROMS. They were entertainingly earnest and it took a long time to convince them that I really did believe them. They insisted I visit the Conspiracy Museum around the corner but I had planned to from the beginning.

This was a much shabbier, more nerdy experience. I was really in my element. These guys insisted I take photos.

I won't bore the non-conspiracy wonks with the full set but I'm happy to do a slide show some day.

Food Report

Dick's Last Resort. Ribs and BBQ Chicken. This local rib-house was a very intense introduction to Texas. It was like Fast Eddies on crank. I mean by that all the waiter/resses were insanely friendly and loud, and mayhem was the order of the day. The food was great. I was made to wear a bib, and Robyn says I should always wear one while eating. I think she may be right.

More of Vegas...

...but first a rant about the Fahrenheit scale.

Travel is all about recognising the differences between home and away, and that the way things are done in other countries is not necessarily wrong, just different. The exception to this is the Fahrenheit scale. It is just stupid.

We're in Washington DC right now and there is a Winter Weather Watch in effect. This means it is probably going to snow like crazy any second now. So we are being responsible tourists and watching the weather on TV. Of course we see all the temperature reports in the stupid Fahrenheit scale which is impossible to relate to our Celsius scale. No really, it's impossible. The only way we can work it our is by using a Java applet on my laptop. Exactly how stupid is the Fahrenhiet scale? Here's what the guys from straightdope.com have to say

"Researchers have gone to their graves trying to figure out what old man Fahrenheit was up to. Here's the story as well as I can piece it together:

Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit (1686-1736) was a German instrument maker who invented the first practical mercury thermometer. Casting about for a suitable scale for his device, he visited the Danish astronomer Ole Romer, who had devised a system of his own.

As it turned out, it was a case of the blind leading the blind.

Romer had decided that the boiling point of water should be 60 degrees. This at least had the strength of numerological tradition behind it (60 minutes in an hour, right?).

But zero was totally arbitrary, the main consideration apparently being that it should be colder than it ever got in Denmark. (Romer didn't like using negative numbers in his weather logbook.)

In addition to the boiling point of water, the landmarks on Romer's scale were the freezing point of water, 7-1/2 degrees, and body temperature, 22-1/2 degrees.

D.G., simple soul that he was, thought this cockeyed system was the soul of elegance. He made one useful change: to get rid of the fractions, he multiplied Romer's degrees by 4, giving him 30 for the freezing point and 90 for body temperature.

Then, for reasons nobody has ever been able to fathom, he multiplied all the numbers by 16/15, making 32 freezing and 96 body temperature. Boiling point for the time being he ignored altogether.

By and by Fahrenheit got ready to present his scale to London's Royal Society, the scientific big leagues of the day.

It dawned on him that it was going to look a little strange having the zero on his scale just sort of hanging off the end, so to speak. So he cooked up the explanation that zero was the temperature of a mix of ice, water, and ammonium chloride.

At some point Fahrenheit figured out that the boiling point of water came in at 212 degrees. Over time this replaced body temp as the upper landmark on his scale. Meanwhile, as more precise measurements were made, body temperature had to be adjusted to 98.6 degrees.

In short, 100 means nothing at all on the Fahrenheit scale, 96 used to mean something but doesn't anymore, and 0 is colder than it ever gets in Denmark. Brilliant.

Lest we get too down on Fahrenheit, though, consider Anders Celsius, who devised the centigrade scale (0 to 100).

Everybody agrees Celsius's scale makes more sense than Fahrenheit's. Trouble is, the original Celsius scale had 100 for freezing, 0 for boiling. In other words, it was upside-down. (The numbers were reversed after Celsius's death.)

These thermometer guys, what gets into them? Must be too much mercury exposure."

Originally here.

Back to Vegas.

Resistance was futile. The nerds within us demanded we go to the Star Trek Experience. I love how everything in this country is an "experience". But this truly was.

Lots of truly naff displays, guys dressed as Klingons and a naff but impressive ride. It was yet another motion simulation thing, yadda yadda, but altho the ride itself was dissapointing the set up was great. If anyone is actually intending to go the Vegas and have this "Experience" just scroll on down to the picture of Robyn drinking Romulan ale coz it's spoilers from here on in.

You line up in the usual rows of five people to go onto the "Shuttle Craft" but before the door opens all hell breaks loose, the lights go out and the floor moves. The lights go "woing" and suddenly you are somewhere else. The schtick is you've been transported onto the "real" Enterprise by someone evil, and, truth be told, it is actually a very impressive piece of slight of hand. One moment you are in a small room, the next a whole other larger space. You then get to go onto a life size mock up of the bridge of the Enterprise, which gives you no end of spooky deja vu feelings. After that it's a naff turbo-lift ride and the "Shuttle" ride itself. The screen for the imagery is bigger but blurrier than the other ones we've been on, and the whole ride is less engaging.

You really feel for all the actual humans you have to "interact" with on this ride. All the other rides we've been on have been human free so there's been little embaressment, but here there's actual people, and you can see the pain in there eyes.

Here's Robyn having the inevitable Romulan Ale in Quarks Bar thingy. Yes it is just low grade domestic beer with food colouring. The guy playing the Ferenghi was so embaressed. He slunk up to us, said his canned line and slunk off again. Poor bastard. I really hope he is getting more than minimum wage.

Yet more enormous drinks. This time shaped like a human skull. No it wasn't the Holocaust Casino, it was Treasure Island and these were Captain Morgan's Island Punch. This was our first experience of Buffet. Buffet will be getting its whole own entry soon. Mmmmm, Buffet.

We watched the highly entertaining Pirate's show outside Treasure Island. Absolutely incredible production levels, made even more incredible by the fact it happens every 90 minutes. And remarkably seamless. For the lighting nerds (coughNikcough) every lighting fixture was entirely hidden.

Here's a shot of Circus Circus at night. The lights on the entrance flicker at an alarming rate. Real seizure territory.

Below is the interior of the Luxor as seen from our room. All the rooms in the Pyramid are on the inside of the structure. There are no elevators, only "Inclinators". These go sideways as fast as the go upwards. This can be disconcerting even while sober. Frankly when you are drunk (and I can't think of a moment in Vegas when we weren't) it is truly frightening. The interior of the pyramid is spookily reminscent of the Galactic Senate bit outta Episode 1. Oh God, we really are turning into nerds. Kill us now.

(Addendum: As Robyn rightly pointed out we were seldom actually drunk in Vegas, altho we were continually drinking. We had to wait till New Orleans to get officially rat-faced.The average Vegas day for us would start with a 99c Margerita and end with room service wine. The problem is that Vegas is truly the land on the watered down drink, that and all the gambling keeps you nervous enough that you can't relax into it. Well that's how I felt anyways. Oh and for those that have wondered I lost maybe a total of $40 at Blackjack, but that was from playing for about 8 hours solid.)

Cleopatra's Faux Needle. You will be hearing a lot more about these obelisks, but here is me in front of a fake one. It stands at the very centre of the Luxor Pyramid and is very obviously made of chipboard and hot glue. You can even make out the holes where the moving lights are mounted.

This is the enormous Sphinx thru which you enter Luxor. check out the little people down the bottom for an idea of the scale.

In Washington DC now...

... but here is the complete set of photos from the wedding.

and here's some of our photos from Las Vegas. Full Travelogue coming soon... promise... really.

Circus Circus.

God Bless America indeed...

Construction site for Fashion Mall Casino. Workman casually tells us "It's gonna be a huge projection screen, shaped like a cloud". It had to be 200 metres long and 10 stories high.

It is true, words do not do it justice.

Sigfreid and Roy are scarily omniprescent. Here is a shrine to them.

One of the infamous White Tigers, splashing about in a pool.

Note: White Tiger Poo.

One of the circus acts you get to watch while gambling, I wonder how many ex-Fruit Flies there are here...

I guess this is really what every kid wants, a cone chock-fulla-titties. I know I do.

The major theme for our trip seems to have been enormous drinks. Witness the awesome power of "Margerita's By The Yard!"